Disassembled...

09:53 pm - Unlikely Family... Famille De Sade

The above video was posted in the transgender community. It is a short documentary concerning two transsexual parents involved in a committed polyamorous triad relationship. It was interesting to happen upon this video as my mind has recently drifted back into the realm of VERY non-traditional families... how they function... and how far out of the mainstream can one familial composition get before it enters the realm of absolute dysfunction.

This ties in largely to my comic project Famille De Sade, which I bring up from time to time. It's a project that always rests just underneath my cerebral cortex. I passively absorb information and try my best to work through it within the context of this story.

For those not familiar, Famille De Sade is as much a thought experiment as it is a comic project. I've always been fascinated with sex and relations, particular those things that seem steeped heavily in taboo, and this story is largely an accumulation of that pre-occupation. Transsexualism, polyamory (or polyfidelity to be more specific), pansexuality, and BDSM as contrasted and compared to more "wholesome" concepts of love and family is the central theme of Famille De Sade.

The core of the story revolves around a BDSM structured, polyfidelitous, triad between a female DOM, a male sub and a transfemale sWiTcH. They also live in a big house with another couple (or more) and a androgynous slave who lives in a cell under The Mistress' bed. Everyone in the household adopts the Matriarchs last name (De Sade, amusingly enough).

All this disturbing perversion is contrasted by the fact that they lead a relatively mundane life. Raising a family, going to work, mowing the lawn, and even going to church in their relatively small, conservative village they call home.

I'm a sucker for juxtaposition of seemingly mutually exclusive, polar opposite.

Sorry... this post didn't really have a point. I just like to ramble on about my ideas. To clue people into the grinding of my head-gears and see if it piques anyone else's interests.

12:22 pm - Torn between ideas... Just brainstorming

One of the new comic projects I would like to start doing regularly in the near future (likely after the new site is put into action) is a comic that presents the awesomeness of science (in hopefully a fun, amusing way). This would likely be based on a recent headline in science news and perhaps, if the news that week is slow, then it will just present "fun facts" or briefly explain some aspect of science.

Often when I jot down ideas for this comic (single panel with bottom caption - SEE: The Far Side) I picture it as the new incarnation of Descent of Man. However DOM was originally a far more harsher/edgier project, focusing on where politics and science intersect. Hence the name, which was both a reference to Charles Darwin and recognition of my cynical view of our culture. Because of this, I'm not sure if "Descent of Man" title really fits the new project and perhaps it should be a different project entirely.

This "science comic" is based more on an idea about teaching science through the comic adventures of a small, pink rabbit. Which was inturn inspired by a humorous comic book about DNA I made as my "final project" in my high school biology class. My teacher thought is was so awesome she made copies to use as a learning aid for future classes. This made me quite proud and charged me with the mission to use my comicing skills to share my love of science with others.

So the thing I toss back and forth in my head is if the new "Descent of Man" could be a little of all of the above. Science news, maybe a little political commentary, maybe a little science edumacation, maybe a little rabbit.

At the very least, the harsher commentary could easily be cut from this project and ported into Disassemblance, where delightful cynicism belongs.

I'm very indecisive when it comes to creative ventures...

01:31 am - Puppets...

I like puppets alot. I used to have a lot of puppets as a child, and am in the processes of casually collecting finger puppets.

Seeing the cyclops puppet used in this year's Vivid Motion show got me thinking that I would like to create a puppet... or rather construct a puppet-esque suit. False appendages and what not.

Just tired rambling... something else to put on THE LIST. :D

10:09 pm - The REAL Transformer...

madhatterofoz

08:13 pm - Batteries and the cartoon Contest...

First off, my 3V batteries are in from Hong Kong!!! Now I can get my prototype glow rod handle in order!! :D

Second off, y'all remember that Political/Science Cartooning contest I entered last year? The one where I did the super kick-ass Descent of Man comics, but didn't even get an honorable mention and a dozen really boring, typical shit won?

Well, someone (Ambrose?) asked me if I was going to enter again this year, and in a blaze of extreme petty bitterness, I said, "FUCK NO!!"

However...

I go to my PO BOX today (actually klemrev did. 10-Q babe!) and I get this personal letter from some important guy at the foundation that is sponsoring the contest, saying how he loved the comics I entered, and asked if I would be willing to enter again this year!!

O.O

That's pretty fucking neat to get a personal request. Sure, they will likely pick CRAP again this year... but maybe it will be MY crap!! XD

08:41 pm - Stupid Maine...

I adore Maine, but for a restless, eager-to-learn soul, such as myself, it can feel a bit emaciating. For example, I want to learn to sculpt glass... to learn to make pyrex sex toys, I will admit... but where does one go to learn this? I am searching and searching for places that offer lessons in glass sculpting, but I am at a loss. Even MECA doesn't seem to have much to offer. I bet if I travel two hours south I would trip over two dozen places that give lessons... probably half of them SPECIALIZE in pyrex sex toys.

Maybe I am just not looking in the right places... It would likely be easier to find sources of such education if I travelled more in "artistic circles." But I don't. The result of one of my major regrets: not going to art school.

I feel like I am so late in the game. Like I am the retarded kid held back until I'm too old to attend normal classes. I feel lost and left out. I feel so fucking unskilled and ignorant, I make myself sick.

I want to learn to blow glass. I want to learn to work with stainless steel. And I want to learn how to sew, to make corsets, to work with leather... and hell... to even make shoes. I want to know how to create all the freaky awesome, material things I enjoy so much.

I WANT THAT KNOWLEDGE!
To collect it, and pass it onto others.

I'm going to kick Prometheus in the nuts, even if I'm killed in the quest.

Current Mood: depressed

10:40 pm - *stabs self in face*

All I want is some clothing made out of a potentially hazardous industrial chemical -- is that really so much to ask for?

Being an artist means that you spend your life in constant frustration, wading through the remains of an innumerable amount of failed projects. My living space becomes a graveyard of creative abortions -- used, shredded, consumed, shat out and disposed of -- a mocking monument to my incredible ineptitude as an artist. The conversion of some cast-off blue vinyl pants into a sexy little skirt (pictured, left) is tough going. I shreded the thing and am now desperately trying to get it all to fit together. I bought some nylon thread to stitch it together, but the material is worn and I'm afraid the stitching will not hold (if I even had the skill to sew it properly). Instead I opted to use some liquid stitch fabric glue to at least get all the pieces into place. But the stuff holds like shit. I'm going to let what I have so far dry over night, and if it doesn't work I"m going to saturate the entire thing in fookin' Gorilla Glue. That'll hold anything. This project may be a failure and that makes me both sad and greatly frustrated. This will only fuel my fear of working with fabrics. I have a bolt of stretch black vinyl that I haven't dared touch since I bought it. Anything I do will likely turn something so beautiful into shit. I'm also frustrated with just about every other creative venture at the moment. I think I am zeroing in on finding the kind of vibe I want for my music (in hopes of releasing a new lemur album before year's end), but the exact sound still escapes me. I've been working on not less than three dozen tracks and I hate everyone of them. Recently (as in the past 27 hours) I think I have finally pieced together the world (atmosphere/backstory) that will act as the setting for my dark, sci-fi-ish adventure tales. And as exciting as that is, I'm now feeling powerless in the face of the daunting task of actually trying to some how put all of this into some kind of approachable, consumable product that I can then share with all of you. angerbunny is working with me to try and bring some of this out in the for of graphic novels. It's all so damn maddening! I have an overwhelming need to create, but feel like I can never really bring it into being. I'm never fully successful. The closest I ever get is a beautiful bastardization of the original vision. It's frustrating and makes me want to stab a screwdriver into my temple so I don't have to think about it all anymore.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

06:09 pm - Photo capture...

NEVERMIND: jenndolari is smart...


HEY!

Taking the picture of me drawing the comic, reminded me that I really need to do create a little presentation of how I go about creating the comics. People have been asking about it for... hrmmm.. about four years now. Sooo... if anyone knows of any screen capture software (preferably freeware) please let me know.

Thanks!

07:45 pm - Portland Co-op...

Today I ventured with my elven friend, Melian, into the desolate realms of downtown Portland to find this so-called "Place of Great Awesome" (aka The Portland Artist Co-op). I spoke with the founder and manager of the establishment and became immensely excited about what was taking place in that space.

The Portland Artist Co-op is a "public market" for local artists to display and sell their creations. Michelle, the lady to whom I had spoke, said she is looking for a place where artists of all mediums can come together under a single banner and cross-promote, without the bullshit attitudes and other such snobbery. This is EXACTLY what I am all about and I strive to find environments that are high on creativity and low on snobbery (because I think such elitist, suppressive foolishness is counter productive and really the antithesis of a pursuit that is supposedly about personal expression and freedom of thought). This underlying philosophy is exactly the reason I enjoy being around the scene surrounding Plague and the crew at Vivid Motion.

Being a (semi-)starving artist, I'm not entirely sure at this point whether or not I can truly afford to fund the renting of space at the Co-op. As it is right now, my finances are super tight. But I feel I need to at least give it a shot.

So it's limited fun and eating nothing but rice for the foreseeable future. O.o

I'm also approaching this from the trans-angle: Since my experiences being transgendered have affected my art in a major way, it seems only fitting to try and sell my art to help pay the medical bills. I will be volunteering this information, letting this intention be known, when I get around to displaying my work at the co-op. My thought is to have the header of the display bearing the name of one of my past works, something that sums it all up rather well: The TransForm

08:48 pm - New Years...

I find myself with nothing but positive feelings about the coming year. I've felt an ever growing fire within myself over the past year. The realization that after so many, many years of sitting, waiting, and thinking I'm actually bringing to life things that existed formerly only in my dreams. I was trapped in the prison of my own brain, a slave to my inertia. But at some point I found the energy to kick down the door and make my escape. Shattering every window in the process.

This past year has been an incredible one. I've brought many of my ideas and dreams into being and have come up with six times as many that I would like to see born in the year to come. That's the incredible things about energy, about action, and pursuing and doing things that make one feel fulfilled and purposeful -- it snowballs. It's a cascade of power -- unchecked fission in the soul.

I'm really not one for resolutions, but I am one to set some loose goals to help guide me down the path I follow in the near future. And I do have some very specific things I'd like to get done in the year to come. Mostly creative pursuits, some personal.

Current Mood: thoughtful

01:46 am - Hair falls... Board games...

My hands are killing me.

I've been braiding yarn for about many hours... pretty much all night. I hadn't found a tutorial anywhere online about what exactly you do with the braid once you've made them -- how to attach and arrange the braids on the fall -- so I had to figure that out for myself. So far my hair fall is up to about 34 braids -- I need about 50. I know, I'm slow. The act of braiding is not yet second nature to me. I also learned how to do a twist braid. It looks much, much better than the standard three strand braid. Unfortunately I did not realize this until many hours into my fall making. The fall doesn't look too bad. Decent for a first try. I might be able to wear it out... maybe.

Couple things I need to learn/figure out:

• How I make the end of the braids come more to a point. Right now they are ugly knots.


• How to dread up the braids to make them look fluffy and less braid-y

Current Mood: ecstatic

11:33 pm - Hair falls...

I'm going to try my hand at making crazy-ass, anime-goth hair falls. I bought a shitload of various types of yarn a while back to begin practicing, but got distracted by shiny things and didn't take time to sit back down with them. Since most of the process is hours and hours of braiding, it will be the perfect project to do while I'm resting in between other projects.

Because being manic is awesome. O.O

02:22 am - It's coming... I SWEAR IT!!

I've been talking about Industrial Complex for a while now, especially to my fellow Plaguites. I go on and on about how excited I am about the new project, but I know what you are all thinking... "She's full of shit. Where are all these great new comics your always talking about, huh? You're just taking out your ass again about something you don't ever intend to work on!!" Well, stupid real life stuff gets in the way, but just as a gesture of good will (and proof that I am working on new comic projects) I thought I'd share the first panel of the first Industrial Complex strip. I'm really excited about how the art is turning out. I think it will fit the vibe of the comic very well. The guy with the cigarette and shades is Kable. As you can already tell, he's going to be a great character to play around with. >:)

12:19 am - I'm going to be a graphic designer when I grow up!!

Recently, I've gotten some inqueries about doing some actual, honest to goodness, PAID, design/illustration work. It ain't much right now, but picking up a few bucks here and there doing art has put the idea in my head that perhaps I could actually pull off getting a real job in the industry.

I've looked around and found that there is actually a lot of local companies looking for graphic designers (thanks be to udonman for the heads up). Most of these are not full-time, and those that are ask for 3-5 years of experience -- entry level is difficult to come by. Many ask for BFA degrees, but will settle for anyone who can do the job.

Hell, at this point I would LOVE just doing grunt graphics work like resizing and cropping. Yes, people actually get paid to do that!!

I love to sit around and fuck with graphics all day long -- cartooning, photo editing, basically everything to do with digital art. And it would seem like perhaps THIS is the sort of thing I should be working myself into.

To beef up my portfolio I'm going to be making up some logos and will be working on a number of non-profit ventures. I think I am also going to register with every major temp agency for any sort of graphic related work.

If anyone has any jobs leads I would be most thankful for the info.

I need out of my job, and this seems like the sort of thing I was born to do. I'm not sure why I've never really invested the energy in pursuing it before. Perhaps self-doubt, fear... Well, enough is enough.

I MUST STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE!!

*DETERMINED*

Current Portfolio (nothing to see really)

12:54 am - The ZomLob PWNS you!!

For sometime milkgonebad has mentioned a logo for Gothic Maine involving a creepy lobster with red eyes. Seriously, what better represents goth in Maine then a lobster of the undead persuasion?

This is something I threw together as a possible logo for t-shirts/bumper** stickers. It's not a final design, of course, I need to fix the spaces between the white sections and likely fix the text.

11:33 am - Heroes...

I watched Heroes last night. It wasn't absolutely horrible, and might make for an interesting story. This is supposed to be a limited run series right? Like, it's going to intentionally end when the season ends... if not, the show could get stupid real quick.

klemrev noted quite passionately at one point in the show, "Hey, that's your idea!!" And she was correct. I come up with a billion ideas for stories and what not, particularly in the sci-fantasy super hero realm, and its only a matter of time before the same idea gets used in another production. I also am not so concieted as to think what I come up within is beyond the imagination of others -- I have a long history of what I all ready concieved popping up in other places, at the hand of other people. That's just the way it works.

As angerbunny and I lamented on Friday night (while speculating on the nature of the show) if you try and pursue your idea, after it has been popularized by another entity, you will forever be the one who "ripped of [such and such]."

Just got to work on that idea and make your version of it even better (more interesting), or ditch it entirely and move onto the next.

11:36 am - Fictional Universe...

The one thing that has always rendered me fascinated by sci-fi is the fictional worlds/universes that are created to house the stories. I love huge compendiums from the worlds of Star Trek and Star Wars, that go into great detail about an alien civilization -- its history, culture, customs and language. And as much as I like reading about these things, I love to create them even more. I've been generating fictional universes since I was very young, and have no intention to stop anytime soon.

In fact, I'm currently trying my damnedest to create the most complete and comprehensive one to date, to eventually (I hope) use as a setting for a series of novels (graphic or otherwise).

At the moment, I am working out various ideas I have for alien languages.

:)

10:12 pm - SHBOINGGGGG!!!

I went from drinking too much wine last night, to drinking too much coffee this morning. 0.0

But in between bouncing off the walls I managed to get a couple comics done for the upcoming week, plan out the next few weeks of strips for Dis, ponder a sci-fi novelish thing I want to finally start, consider designs for new t-shirts, rework that track I posted yesturday, and even plan my outfit for this Friday's PLAGUE!!!

And speaking of which, I am DJ'in' this Friday, BE THERE!!! Would it be vain of me to want a couple pics of me spinnin'? MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMaaaabye. But, oh well. :)

AND speaking of THAT, October 1st, is the debut of a new monthly 18+ goth/industrial/whatever night here in Portland: FLATLINE! Check out that sexy, sexy flyer!! ;)

Man, I'm wired today. O.o
I'm insanely manic... but happy none-the-less. XD XD XD

09:24 pm - Red Fetus Circle...

Today, while I should have been thinking of other things, this logo popped into my head. I think I will put it on a shirt.

04:34 pm - Seamstress Question...

I got lots of creative people on my friends list and who check out my site, so I just wanted to pick everyone's brain about something. In the near future I want to work with vinyl and was wondering what sorts of tools are needed to work with the material. Does it require a special kind of sewing machine?

udonman justed emailed me talking about a secret project she is working on and it got me thinking about this big swath of black stretch vinyl that is just dying to be turned into a skirt.

Any info on working with this, or related materials, would be greatly appreciateD.

Thanks!